Miscellaneous Mental Musings of an Emerging Artist
Because I no longer have any chance of winning. As far as I can tell, I may have used up all of the luck allotted to me in this life during the hours of ten and one o’clock today.
Without going into explicit detail, I will say that I made, or at least was a major contributor to a mistake that opens my place of business up to a possible lawsuit. I say “major contributor” only because I can’t recall the conversations, months ago, that led to this mistake being made. I seem to remember being told not to worry about the details, but I should have worried about the details anyway. If I had, aforementioned job-threatening mistake would not be an issue.
I’d offered this morning to quit, if I was about to be fired. Finishing this email, to my department supervisor in Indiana, produced an effect that is the closest I’ve ever been to vomiting and passing out from sheer panic.
However, my supervisor seems to believe that something can be worked out. He said, over the phone, that I shouldn’t be worried about keeping my job. Which isn’t going to happen for a few months, mind you, but it’s nice to have that small bit of hope to cling to. My company president was a hundred times nicer about his verbal reprimand to me than I at all deserved, and this is somebody who certainly isn’t afraid to blow his top when provoked.
At this moment, I feel about 65-35 in favor of me still having a job at the resolution of this mistake, which is considerably better than I felt this morning, when I felt 95-5 against my having a job at the end of the day.
I spent much of today transferring files from my computer’s hard drive to my Zip disk, in anticipation of having to get out of here in a hurry. I removed all questionable links from my Favorites list on my web browser, and packed up every CD I’ve been keeping in the office. In the coming days, I’ve decided that every one of the 939 mp3 I have on my customized, painstakingly-assembled playlist–most of them, anyway–need to be burned to a CD, just in case.
My nerves are shot all to hell. So I’m glad, at least, that we’re not being stalked by shadowy bomb-setting extremists with a desire to see all Americans dead in the street.
In somewhat happier news, The Living Room Project is but inches from being taken under the umbrella of the Breadline Theatre Company. This is a significant step up from our current trappings at The Side Studio, and presents several great opportunities for all of us as artists. I’m intimidated, but enough so that this may kick my ass into producing new work.
God, what a week. Somebody set us up the bomb.
Current music: MP3 list, The Cure, “A Letter to Elise”