Creative Control

Miscellaneous Mental Musings of an Emerging Artist

The Elevator That Fought Crime.

Coda to yesterday’s observations

The spectacular swimsuit issue is gone, taken by an unknown person for unknown reasons. Either a man has taken it for his own heterosexual purposes, or removed it out of respect for the women in the office, or a woman has removed it to quell its testosterone-tempting influence, or for her own homosexual purposes–although I’m fairly sure every woman in this office swings for the opposite sex, a conclusion I’m drawing only from conversations about and meetings with their boyfriends. While procuring soup from the local White Hen Pantry, I notice the unobstructed cover of the issue on the newsstand. As one might expect, the sight of the model as a whole doesn’t live up to the deep infatuation I previously had for her knees. C’est la vie.

End coda

The elevator in my office building has two signs posted within it. The first states that the maximum occupancy of the car is six persons. The other states that the maximum load allowed by the elevator is 2500 pounds.

Mathematically speaking, this means that the absolute maximum of the elevator is six people weighing no more than 416.66 pounds apiece. However, this is not a large elevator. The very idea that you could fit three 416-pound people into this elevator, much less twice that number, when you consider the mass and volume required to attain that weight, is absurd. The only way you could fit six people on here with that much weight between them would be if they were thinner people and had the ability or the machinery to alter the force of gravity acting upon them. And who would have such abilities or machinery?

Why, super-villains, of course. [1]

So there you have it. The elevator in my office building is designed to prevent invasion by a league of six or more gravity-inducing super-villains.

Ah, false logic yourself. False logic is de rigeur in this country. Some of us even think it’s worth going to war over.

[1] “In my plan, we are beltless.” Confirmation from the wires that this will indeed be the last season of Buffy. You will be missed. Now show me the spinoff.

Current music: MP3 list, The Smiths, “This Charming Man”


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This entry was posted on February 26, 2003 by in Comic Books, Work.
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