Miscellaneous Mental Musings of an Emerging Artist
For me, looking back on myself during the month after, I find that I said and thought a few things that I look back on with the same disdain I look on my memories of how I was in high school. “I was young and stupid then, I feel old and stupid now.”
Yesterday, as CNN bombarded me with stories about the twisted joy and comic book villainy of Osama bin Laden as he heard reports of the attacks he had helped orchestrate, I was immersed in frustrating photo-research business. And I will continue to be immersed in the same today. A combination of all of these things reached a breaking point–and by breaking, I mean it made me temporarily paranoid and insane–because my girlfriend made a snap decision on her day off yesterday that she was not going to touch a telephone all day.
So she hadn’t called me at work, and she hadn’t returned a single phone call I’d made, and as such, I started having evil awful thoughts that she was lying in her apartment dead, either suddenly in her sleep, or having fallen down the stairs, or, and I remind you that I was paranoid and insane, psychopaths had broken into her apartment and murdered her. When I walked up the back steps of her apartment and unlocked her back door, I was treading quietly. I grabbed a broom and stalked down a hallway until I realized that nothing was wrong, at which point Donna told me that she just hadn’t been answering the phone.
So I felt foolish. And yet, not.
More later. Back to photo research hell and nonsense.
Current music: MP3 list, Smashing Pumpkins, “Eye”